Building Business Around Life (Not Life Around Business)

I was pumping breastmilk on an all-day strategy session.

Video off. Muted between my turns to speak. My husband Mike was in the next room with our son Pierce, who was just a few months old at the time.

Every time I unmuted to contribute, the rhythmic sounds of the breast pump were audible in the background. I'd acknowledge, explain my point, and mute again. The meeting continued.

It felt absurd. Worse than absurd: it felt like theft.

Work was stealing time from my son, and from me in this season of motherhood. And I was the one handing it over.

That's when it hit me: I'm irreplaceable to Pierce. His mom cannot be outsourced, delegated, or substituted. My role in that meeting was absolutely replaceable.

I'd spent years asking the wrong question.

And only now, in the era post-ChatGPT and ubiquitous AI, can we all take a first-principles approach to how we harmonize our ambition with our core values.

The Question That Keeps You Small

Most high-achieving entrepreneur mothers ask: "What can my life support?"

In other words… What can you fit into the margins? How much can you squeeze in before something breaks?

The question assumes your worth must be justified through productivity. That rest is something you earn after proving yourself valuable. That your needs come last.

I asked that question through multiple burnouts and wrong-fit clients. Through the deaths of both my parents in 2013 and 2014. Through multiple miscarriages after Pierce was born in 2020.

Every time I burned out, the pattern was identical: I put myself last.

The shift didn't happen in a single moment. It accumulated across years of loss and grief and pumping breastmilk on Zoom calls. But eventually, I landed on a different question entirely.

The Question That Changes Everything

"What does my life require?"

This question starts from worth, not proof.

Your value exists before you demonstrate it. Your needs matter before you've earned the right to have them met. Your life has requirements that don't disappear just because work demands your attention.

This is the foundation everything else builds on. I call it Worth Exists Before Proof, one of my core coaching principles that governs sustainable success.

When you start from this question, the entire architecture changes. You're no longer fitting life into work's leftovers. You're building work around life's requirements.

For me, those requirements crystallized clearly:

• Present for meals with my family
• Log out at 3 pm and not think about work until the next day
• Four-day weekends to be with Pierce and Mike
• Weekdays that feel easeful, not extractive

These were no longer aspirations to achieve "one day." They were requirements for me to show up as the person I wanted to be: for my son, my husband, my clients, myself.

The Framework: Three Day Types

Here's what I learned from 20+ years coaching visionary entrepreneurs: time management isn't the problem. Energy allocation is.

The Three Day Types framework, inspired by Dan Sullivan and Strategic Coach's Entrepreneurial Time System, organizes your week around energy, not tasks.

Recharge Days are for full restoration. These fill your cup: hiking, reading, working out, reorganizing a closet. What matters isn't the specific activity but whether it's exactly what you need in that season and week. This is proactive self-care, not weekend catch-up while checking email. Track how many Recharge days you need per week to continually feel inspired.

Revenue Days are for the top 10% most valuable activities that directly impact your bottom line and quality of life. Client sessions. Workshops. Strategic partnerships. High-value content creation. The work that moves the needle, delivered when you're at your best.

Reset Days are for everything in between. Admin, emails, proposals, bill paying, technology hygiene. The necessary operational work that keeps systems running but doesn't require peak creative energy.

Most people start their day by opening email and responding before they've adequately warmed up. The day becomes downhill from there: constant reaction to other people's priorities instead of setting your own.

When you sequence your days by type, you protect your highest-value work from being crowded out by urgency.

What This Actually Looks Like

I run a 3.5-day workweek with four-day weekends. This is how I've operated since March 2023 while co-founding CTOx, a multimillion-dollar business helping fractional CTOs build $500K+ practices.

Here's what that rhythm looks like in practice:

Monday (Recharge): I start the week with what I choose. Sometimes that's family admin: scheduling appointments, organizing our calendar. Sometimes it's physical: cleaning part of the house, getting our systems squared away. I begin my day with a fantastic workout. The point is entering the week doing what feels important to me, not what others expect. No Sunday scaries or cases of The Mondays allowed.

Wednesday (Revenue): Recording sessions with my business partner Lior. Live delivery calls. New IP creation. The work that creates disproportionate value when I'm fully resourced.

Tuesday and Thursday are Reset days for operational rhythm: team calls, workshops, one-on-ones. Friday is a Reset or Revenue day, done by noon. 

The weekends are Recharge days. Saturday includes Pierce's martial arts classes, errands, and household systems. The way my brain works, just knowing everything's running well creates its own kind of rest. Sunday is family adventure day. Long hikes, exploring Los Angeles, moving our bodies together in nature. Cooking something special. Full presence.

No matter the day, Mike and I start each day together with coffee, as we've done for years. We collaborate to get Pierce ready for school, and I walk him there, using the walk back as solo time.

What this enables: solo time, couple time, individual time with Pierce, family time. All the configurations we each need to feel whole. Mike and I are both introverts who recharge in private. This rhythm honors everyone's needs while maintaining connection.

We manage our household with minimal outside support. This system works whether the business is booming or on a tight budget. It's sustainable through all seasons.

It works for us. And it makes me wonder: what would an ideal rhythm for you and your family feel like?

The Practical Shift

I realized something fundamental: whatever I am not changing, I am choosing.

If I don't like the outcomes, if my relationship with work feels extractive, if I consistently feel like there's not enough of me to go around, I played a role in creating those conditions. I chose the environment that allows it to happen.

My default used to be saying yes, then figuring it out later.

Now it's: "Let me think. I'll get back to you."

Pause. Marinate. Reflect: Do I want to bring this in, or will it create unwanted side effects?

I love opportunities. I love being in demand, being seen as valuable. But nobody is the boss of me other than me. When time passes and I feel resentful or frustrated, I chose that. Taking responsibility changes everything.

What gets eliminated:

• Saying no to clients who don't share my values around lifestyle freedom
• Declining impromptu meetings and saying, "Let's talk Tuesday" instead of scrambling to accommodate
• Auto-scheduling several days out, minimum
• No longer working with workaholics or people who expect me to be "on"

I only work with people who have family time they want to protect. Then we can hold each other accountable. My clients can work as much as they want; what matters is what they expect of me.

If I show up and deliver every single time, that creates air cover for the lifestyle and time allocations needed to sustain that output. Results matter more than hours logged.

Starting From What You Want

If reading this makes you want to optimize your own family rhythm, here are my top recommendations.

Start from requirements, not constraints.

What does your life require for you to feel whole? What do you need to show up as the person you want to be for your children, your partner, yourself?

Then work backward. What would need to be true for that to be possible?

Sometimes the answer is uncomfortable. Saying no to opportunities. Firing clients. Declining travel. Restructuring how you deliver value. Letting go of the identity of being the person who's always available.

Your systems and routines are what sustain you in the highest highs and the lowest lows. If you don't like how they feel, you get to change them.

Here's what I learned through burnouts and losses and pumping breastmilk on strategy calls: you can build a business that serves your life without sacrificing the impact you want to create.

But only if you believe your worth exists before you prove it.

Only if you start from what your life requires, not what it can barely support.

Marissa Brassfield is a threshold guardian helping professionals navigate major career transitions without losing themselves in the process. Since November 2022, she's personally coached 500+ professionals through threshold moments. She co-founded CTOx, a multimillion-dollar business helping tech executives build $500K+ fractional practices—while maintaining a 3.5-day workweek for 32+ months. Book a Strategic Clarity Session to explore what's possible for your transition.